I am 57 years old.
Since becoming disabled,my life has been turned upside down
I am sure that anyone on this site can relate to that.
My wife was pretty helpful during my recovery,but she is a practical woman,and I found out she has very little compassion,or empaty.
After my TBI,I had to go thriugh therapy.
The therapy was near the hospital where I was,and that was about 30 minutes away from my home.
I was at they hospital since I had found a very good doctor there,and when you find a good doctor you hold onto that doctor! lol
Anyway,the folks there at therapy were wonderful.
I went for a few weeks,until my wife began to complain about how long the drive was.
I ended up switching my therapy to a place close to home because of that.
The folks at this new place were not so great....they acted as if they were doing you a huge favor just for showing up for work.
I didnt think my therapy there was very good,and I was questioning why I never ever saw the same person twice in a row for some of my therapy.
When I did that,I was pronounced "cured",and told to leave.
Haha...I wanted to speak to someone about what was going on,and why I was being basically being kicked out of therapy...but..my wife didnt want to wait for me to do that.
You see what I mean? Why didnt she care? It was important stuff!
I did most of my therapy on my own,and I am proud of my self.
Everything has fallen apart for me..I began to withdraw from everyone,as I beagn to see that being disabled was a burden on my wife.
I had seizures a lot,and I asked my wife to be there for me,maybe hold my hand,talk to me,get me through it...
Well...what did it for me was one time,I asked her to hold my hand,and talk to me,and I saw Her ROLL HER EYES.
That began my becoming more and more introverted..I saw that she really didnt care,didnt understand or want to understand waht I was going theough.
My speech suffers,and at times I stutter,or repeat myself..my wife mocks me,and rolls her eyes,or simply ignores me.
I walk slowly,and that is also a reason to be mocked.
I started to get more and more hurt,more bitter.
She calls me retarded,slow,stupid,lazy,useless.
I have 2 step kids,and we used to get along,we used to be some sort of a family.
Since being home all the time,I saw how the kids were lazy,spoiled,selfish brats..I wanted better for them.
We fought about it.
I wanted the kids to have rules,boundries,chores..learn to be independant.
My wife would hear nothing of it..as long as they did well in school,they were able to do what ever they wanted,and that meant nothing.
I admot,I gave up totally...rather than fight about it,I gave up.
I am not a father to them.
I have been verbally absuive to them...they never move-Im STUCK here since I am less moblie,but they could do so much!
I messed up.
I lashed out.
Since my disabily,I have become more and more isolated,so much more alone that I ever was when I was single.
NO one talks to me,no one considers me worth talking to.
I take the blame,for becoming more introverted,doing my best to take care of myself,since I saw that my wife felt my TBI was something that wuld go away.
I am told all the time that I need to "get over it",and really..does brain damage GO AWAY?
Anyhow,I should be over it by now,and I need to stop having memory problems,pain,speech problems...etc...It should stop.
That is the thinking here.
I understand that I am alone here,with zero support.
The only support I have is my cat,Curious George.
My cat has always been there when I was having seizuresmalways hanging out with me....that cat is a gift.
Getting back to my step kids......they both hate my guts,and I admit I really have no feelings of love for them anymore either.
I have become utterly numb.
I have lost all interst in sex,in doing much of anything other that caring for my cats.
Thats why I get up everyday.
And the kids..ahh yes...I wished for them to become independant,to do things,to want to be part of the world.
They are now 19,and 17.
Both weigh 300 pounds.
Neither one of them has a job,or ever learned to drive,or do anything.
My wife raised them.This is the result.
Constant bragging about how wonderful they are,but yet unable to do anything,or wanting to dao anything.
Constant bitching about how we live in a crappy little place,we have no money,how they all DESERVE better........how about EARNING something?
How about you dont like living here..get a JOB and MOVE out?
I have found out that everything is my fault.
They want a big,nice home,a big,new car,money to burn..they all DESERVE IT,and are ENTITLED to it@
I worked my whole life..I earned what I have.
You bet I wanted better for them.
But now I see..they want everything handed to them on a silver platter.
And its all my fault that they dont have what they want..somehow I am holding them all back.
Everyone is living on my disabilty checks.
No one contributs one cent to anything.
My wife doesnt work either,and she is fully able to.
I was thinking about divorcing her in 2010-things were going ok then,but I saw that my wife was never going to even get a job,even when I was out of work...she never pitched in,never tried..just bitched and moaned.
That all went out the window when I became disabled in 2011.
I cant divorce her now..there is no money to do so.
She cant stand me,and she has found her niche on Facebook,where she is happy to send her nude pictures,and talk sex with at least 4 guys.
I dont even care..I just wish she would pick one guy that has enough money to support her,and her 2 kids,and GO!
So far,it seems that no guy will step up,and send her a plane ticket so she can get out of my life.
Typical..she found a bunch of losers that want her,but wont do anything to get her..and shes too stupid to figure out shes being played.
My wife spends 12-18 hours a day on Facebook,and has her phone glued to her hand.
I actually pity her addiction to sexxting,memes,and whatever other garbage that she doing on Facebook.
I am alone.
Yeah,I have a lot to be blamed for..I have messed up.
The biggest mistake I made was becoming disabled.
I have nothing but my cats to bring me any kind of joy,and I love them dearly.
I came to this site seeing friendship,someone to talk to,but so far its been a big nothing.
I would love to have a friend.
I would love to be able to look forward to SOMETHING,ANYTHING!
I am now facing surgery on my intestines,and I dont know what the outcome will be.
No one here cares.....my wife is already bitching,if she has to drive me to surgery.
Heaven forbid that I break up her busy day of Facebook.
Im driving myself to all my doctors,all my tests,and I guess I will be driving myself to my surgery.
My family has expressed a desire that I die,the sonner the better,so they can have all the wonderful things that I have been denying them.
Fuck each and every one of them.
I have no will,and they will get nothing if I die.
What exactly do they DESREVE?
So much for my complining,and my rambling.
Sorry for my spelling,but there is NO spell check on this blog..you would think that a DISABLED site would offer spell check.
IF anyone reads this,I thank you.