I have avoided blogging here for several reasons...
I am a rotten speller,and this site has no spell check,so forgive mistakes.
No copy and paste so that I can copy what I wrote on Word here.
So..this site is primative,in terms of blogging.
Also,people have commented on my blog,and I cant seem to comment back.
Having said all that,here we go...
What is new with me?
I have cancer.
My mother died.
My father has dementia.
My wife is doing her best to find an new man,one that is not as "useless" as I am.
I have no money.
I have no friends.
Does this sound ever so depressing to you?
Terrible to hear such honesty,isnt it?
Who wants to hear an honest person??
We all want to hear sunshine and rainbows,and such bullshit.
I am looking for friends,real people,not waht I am dealing with now.
To my family,I am Hitler,Stalin,Manson,and everything bad,since I beacme disabled.
Lack of caring and undrstanding has isolated me,and made me bitter and sad.
When I had surgery for my cancer,it was a big deal..it made my wife so mad that she was stuck driving me.
She dropped me of for my surgery,and left,not bothering to find out if I lived or died.
Some months later,she has asked me what kind of cancer I have...
No one speaks to me,no one listens to me,since I have become "not a man" in my wifes words.
With money,I could perhaps be rid of this biitch,and be free to live alone with my cats and be happy..much more happy than I am now.
I am a surivor..what I have survived would kill most normal humans lol.
I live to care for my cats.
I live to piss these people off.
I live to be able to piss on the graves of these people.
Am I harsh?
Am I mean?
Walk a mile in my shoes,live a day in my life,and come back and talk to me.
I am fed up with everything.
I simply want to live,and find some measure of happyness.
It sure would be nice to have someone I could talk to.
It sure would be nice to find someone I could trust.
It sure would be ince to make some money doing something...I really miss working,but I no longer can.
Well,do I have way,way to much baggage?
Down deep,under all the shit that I have been handed is a really cool person...the wall I have built are to protect me from the hate I live with every day.
Emotionally I am dead,but I am down there,waiting to break free.
Would anyone give me a chance?
I dont know.
This blog is the most honest blog you will read.
If you are offended,then read something else.